Teletoon's Jurassic Park

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Message par Frederic Martel » 09 Oct 2018, 18:54

Teletoon's Jurassic Park

This is a parody of Jurassic Park, my favorite Steven Spielberg's movie. Here are the parodied roles. It's a cross-over also.
Alan Grant : Ulrich Stern and Yumi Ishiyama (Majority)
Ellie Slatter : Jeremy Belpois, Aelita Schaeffer, Odd Della Robbia and Yumi Ishiyama (Partially)
Ian Malcolm: Corey Riffin, Laney Penn, Kin Kujira and Kon Kujira (Grojband)
John Hammond : Owen (from Total Drama)
Robert Muldoon : Duncan (from Total Drama)
Donald Gennaro : Brian Griffin
Lex and Tim Murphy : Gumball, Darwin and Anaïs Watterson
Ray Arnold : Chief Hatchet (from Total Drama (Because you have a better character to propose to me ??))
Henry Wu : Cameron (from Total Drama)
Dennis Nedry : Peter Griffin
Gerry Harding : Pops Maellard (Regular Show)
Juanito Rostagno : The Ice King (Adventure Time)
Dock Worker : Roger Smith (American Dad)
Mr. DNA : Himself
Richard Kiley's Voice-over : Andrew Lincoln
Lewis Dodgson : Benson Dunwoody (Regular Show)
Volunteer on the excavation site : Jeremy Belpois (In the beginning)
Young boy at the dig site : William Dunbar

Isla Nublar, 190 KM West of Costa Rica
A large cage arrives, supported by a forklift, to a secure concrete enclosure. Duncan, a gamekeeper, leads the loading team pushing the cage toward an entrance. An employee then climbs over and opens it quietly, but the creature in it rushes towards the exit and causes the detachment of the cage and the fall of the employee. The latter is then dragged to the cage by the creature. Duncan tries to get him out of there, while the rest of the team begins to shock the creature with their tasers. The latter, however, remains stubborn to seize his victim and eat it.
D : KILL IT! KILL IT !!!
But it is a lost effort and the employee escapes the help of Hugo to finish obviously devoured in atrocious suffering.
...
Amber Mine, Dominican Republic
Brian Griffin, an anthropomorphic lawyer dog, arrives on a raft pulled by a rope. The Ice King, master wizard, welcomes him.
Brian: Hello, Ice King.
Ice King : Welcome.
Brian : What did they tell me at the airport ? Owen is not here ?
Ice King : He asks to be excused.
Brian : The family of this worker asks for 20 million dollars for damages, and you tell me that Owen did not come to me?
Ice King : Two of his friends are getting divorced.
Brian : But you have to fix this problem now! Insurers ... (slips.)
Ice King : How are you?
Brian : Yes. But insurers believe the accident has raised questions about the park's safety. I promised to have an inspection done.
Ice King : Owen hates these inspections. It slows down the work.
Brian : Yes, but ...
A worker arrives and informs the Ice King that the miners have found a mosquito in amber. He and Brian go to the place concerned.
Brian : If experts give their endorsement on the park, insurers will stop complaining. I had Grojband, but they find them too eccentric. They want Ulrich Stern and Yumi Ishiyama.
Ice King : Stern and Ishiyama ? They will never leave Montana.
Brian : Why ?
The King sees the piece of amber and exclaims then takes it in his hand.
Ice King : Because Stern is like me. He and his girlfriend are diggers.
...
Badlands, Montana
A troop of Kadicians, paleontologists, are digging up a dinosaur skeleton when two of them are called.
Aelita: Ulrich! Yumi! We are ready to try again!
Ulrich gets up: I hate computers.
Yumi: It's reciprocal.
The young couple goes down the hill to the camp. Two other Kadiciens send a probe into the ground.
Y: Have to wait a long time?
Jeremy : The answer should be immediate. We send the probe into the ground and the bone reflects the image. (Turn on the screen.)
A velociraptor skeleton appears.
J: The new program is amazing! If it continues, in a few years, we will not even need to dig!
U: Where will the pleasure be, then?
Y: Oh! Post-mortem contractions of the posterior ligaments! Velociraptor?
U: Yes, the shape is good. Look...
The screen is blurred a bit.
J: What did you do?
Y chuckles: He touched it! Ulrich has an incompatibility with the machines!
U: Yeah, they really want me. Hey, look at the bones in the middle of the moon! No wonder these mosquitoes have learned to fly.
The Kadiciens laugh.
U: No, seriously? OK, maybe dinosaurs have more in common with birds than with reptiles. Look at this pubic bone facing back like a bird! And those air pockets in the vertebrae, like a bird! And even the word raptor means "bird of prey".
??? : It does not look very scary.
Ulrich turns to William Dunbar, who has launched this line, and stares at him, "Are you talking to me?" ".
W: It's just like a big turkey!
U: A turkey...
Y: Oh no.
U: OK, so ... Imagine Cretaceous era. You find yourself facing this "turkey" then you do not move any more. You tell yourself that his vision is based on movement like the T-Rex and that he will forget you if you do not move, but no! Not the velociraptor. He fixes you in the eyes and you too. It is at this moment that the attack occurs. No face, but from the sides. (Imitates the gesture with his index fingers.) Of the other 2 raptors that you had not even seen yet. The velociraptor organizes a coordinated group scheme. He came out in force that morning. Then, he feigns the air and he inserts it with you (Sort a claw.). A retractable claw 20 cm, razor-sharp. He does not bother to bite you like a lion. No. He's fucking you here ... (Gripping his pecs.) Or here (Claw your legs).
Y all down: On, Ulrich ...
U shows off W's belly: He may open your belly (Claw his lower abdomen) that pours out your intestines. (William hides his stomach with embarrassment.) The worst thing is that ... you're alive ... when he devours you. So, try to be a little more respectful.
W reworked: OK.
Ulrich smiles and returns to the hill with Yumi.
Y: Ulrich. If you wanted to scare William, you could have put a gun on his temple too.
U: Yes, but it makes me think of a kid! Do you want one like this?
Y: I do not want one like that, but a child like this would be exciting, Ulrich. Well, what are you against kids?
U: Listen, Yumi. They scream, fuck shit and cost dear.
Y: Shabby, shabby ...
U: They stink.
Y: What? Where are you from?
U: That's right! Babies crave in their diapers.
A helicopter suddenly arrives and interrupts their conversation. Sand affects unearthed fossils.
U go down the hill: COVER ALL!
Y follows it: STOP!
While the Kadiciens hide the fossils, Ulrich signals to the pilot to stop the helicopter. The latter makes him sign to go to his trailer.
U comes in and sees an obese human: But what are you doing here ??
Obese man turns around with a bottle of champagne: Huh?
The cork is released from the bottle.
U: Hey! We had put it aside!
Obese human smiles: For today. That, I can assure you!
U: Name of god, who do you think you are?
Human obese [billionaire]: Owen from Total Drama ! And I'm delighted to finally meet you in person, Ulrich Stern.
U eyes widen: You are... Owen ?
Gontran: Yes. 50,000 dollars a year were well spent.
Yumi enters furiously, accompanied by the two geniuses and Odd Della Robbia.
Y: Well then, who is this asshole ??
U to Owen : Uh, I present you my sweetheart and our friends ...
Y: Ishiyama.
J: Belpois.
A: Schaeffer.
Odd: Della Robbia.
U: Friends, here's uh... Owen. Total Drama.
Owen : Hello, young people.
Y of an air "Oops! ": Uh ... I said" asshole "?
Owen : Who wants champagne?
Y: Leave, I'll do it.
Owen : No, no, it's OK. I'm doing very well in the kitchen.
He's rinsing glasses.
Owen : I'll go to the point. You please me! All five. Me, that's the kind of thing that I immediately feel; it's a gift. Gni hi! (Fix the lyoko-warriors for 3 seconds without saying anything.) I don't remember what I wanted to say ... Ah, yes! It reminds me! I own an island off Costa Rica. I had the concession of the government and I spent the last 5 years creating a kind of biological reserve. A real success. I spent without counting. Next door, the one I bought in Banff looks like a park! Hey, hey! And it's safe to say that our attractions are going to make the kids excited as fuck !
U: But what is it?
Y: Model adults, darling.
Owen : Not just children, everyone. We open in 1 year. Well, if the lawyers did not have my head on their desk. I do not really like that, lawyers. And you?
U: Uh ...
Y: We, we ...
O: I do not know any.
Owen : Well, yes, though. And one who really gnaws me is the one who represents the investors. It says that they insist on admitting an outside opinion.
J: But what kind of advice?
Owen : Well, yours, to put you on the safe side. I mean, let's admit that in your particular field, you are disqualified. And if I could persuade you to give your downstream of the park. See what I want to say, approve my project, answer me a tite attestation, I will determine faster. Finally, time.
A: Why would they trust us?
U: What kind of park is it?
Owen gives him his glass of champagne: It's right in your strings.
Ulrich takes his drink.
Owen : Tell me, why did not you come here all five on weekends? I would like to admit the opinion of Paleobotanist trouho too. Ha ha ha! (Give Y a drink.) I have a jet waiting for you at Chotto. (Give the last three glasses.)
U: Uh, listen, I'm sorry, it's impossible.
O: Yeah, we ...
Y: ... have just updated a new skeleton ...
Owen poured the champagne into his own glass: I could give you as compensation the total financing of your excavations.
U: And it's a time of the year ...
A: Yes, the timing is wrong.
Gontran with the head below: For the next three years.
Image
The lyoko-warriors, facing this replica, make the mouths below ...
Image
... and give in.
J with this face : Come on, it's too good as an offer to refuse !
Image
U with this face : Yes exactly...
Image
Y: Where is the plane?
U: Yes, that's fine!
Enthusiastic Owen: Cheers!
U: It's okay.
The couples embrace with joy. Odd laughs.
...
San Jose, Costa Rica
Benson Dunwoody, a million dollar anthropomorphic candy machine, gets off a cab with a leather satchel in his hand and a backpack on his shoulder. He must meet Peter Griffin, an obese human computer scientist, at an outdoor restaurant. The latter, tasting Mexican crudités, calls him.
Peter Griffin: Oh! Benson!
A few people around look at the concerned then resume their occupations without worrying about him. The latter sits at the table with Peter.
Benson sat down: Do not say my name.
Peter: Benson! Benson is here! Benson, there! (Looks at Benson, who looks discouraged.) No one cares ! Beautiful, your hat! You want to meet a secret agent? So ?
Benson gives him the bag: 750 000. And 50 000 to the delivery for each viable embryo, 1 million 5 if you manage to release the 15 species of the island.
Peter: Shnahahahahahaha! Oh, I'll have it all.
Benson recalls: And remember, you need viable embryos. They are useless if they do not survive.
Peter: And how do you want me to carry? (To the bag.) Shnahaha, my beauty!
Benson comes out and shows the can of shaving foam: The bottom opens by unscrewing itself. (Opens the can.)
Peter: Gnahahahaha, it's nice. Oh my God !
Benson: There is a refrigerated compartment ...
Peter: Gnahaha! Oh yes, it's amazing !
Benson: It can even be controlled by the fingers.
Peter: Make me see.
Benson smiled: Hold on.
Peter takes foam: Ho ho ho!
Benson becomes serious again: There is enough refrigerant for 36 hours.
Peter: Without menthol? Hey hey! (Lay the mousse on a pie.)
Benson: And the embryos will have to be delivered here in San José before.
Peter becomes serious: It depends on your dude of the boat. 7 pm tomorrow, east dock. It's up to you to make sure there is one.
Benson smiles: How do you intend to cheat surveillance?
Peter enthused: I've got an 18-minute slot for everything. 18 minutes and your company earns more than 10 years of research.
Waiter arrives with a receipt: Gracias, senior.
Peter: Be stingy with me, Benson. Gontran is already celebrating the erection (has already do this error).
He's eating a pineapple.
...
Owen's helicopter flies over the Pacific Ocean heading west for Isla Nublar. On board: Owen, Brian, Ulrich, Yumi, Aelita, Jeremy, Odd and the Grojband.
Corey Riffin : So you five, you dig up the dinosaurs ?
Y: Ha! Uh...
U: We try.
Kin and Kon Kujira drool at the sight of Yumi and Aelita's exposed thighs.
Gontran: You'll have to get used to Grojband. Some of them are a little weird. Especially for mathematicians.
Laney : Chaoticians! Chaoticists in reality. But Owen does not adhere to the theory of chaos. Especially with regard to his little scientific project.
Owen : Host! None of you could prove his ...
Kon wants to touch Yumi's thigh.
Owen pats his hand: Hey, we don't do that without the girl's consent !
Corey to Y and A: Ladies, do you have any knowledge of chaos theory?
Y: No
King: Abnormal attractions?
A: No.
Laney: Incredible.
Owen annoyed at Brian: I bring scientists! You, rock stars!
Brian is exasperated.
Owen looks out the window, with that face: Ooh! We arrive !
Image
The band arrives at Isla Nublar. And it's time for John Williams's music.
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTMtNly-A-M)
Owen : Oh. Bad wind. We must settle down immediately.
Ulrich ties his belt only by tying it. Laney laughs, but Ulrich throws a book into her face, which makes her crying.

To be continued.

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